The calls never come at a time where there is nothing going on. They always come when I have multiple sessions that week and tons of editing to do – not even mentioning my personal obligations. They could be seen as an inconvenience, but to me they serve as perspective. Perspective on life and on my own personal struggles. The calls I am talking about are from an organization I work with called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (or NILMDTS). When a baby is born and it is clear that the baby is not going to live (or might have already passed away) a group of photographers volunteer their time to go into these hospital rooms and photograph these precious children. Many ask me, “why would one want pictures of their dead child?” The answer is best put by a mom who I worked with, “Although we tried to document our son’s 17 short days with us, the photos never captured him. And you gave us that. We have memories (and proof!) to share with our friends and loved ones thanks to you, and we will be forever grateful.” They have proof that their son was here and has made an impact on who they are. They can look back on those images and remember what his features looked like. Who’s eyes did he have, what nose did he get, how did he look when he looked at his mom? These images help these families remember. The details from our minds fade and these images allow a grieving family to remember their child. They are images you will never see on my blog, but they are some of the images I am most proud of. Not for their technical strengths or weaknesses, but for their ability to show love.
I felt called to write this post for a few reasons. This post is in no way motivated for personal gain and are my own thoughts on a very worthwhile organization.
Topics like this are never easy to talk about, but they need talked about. For starters these parents want the life of their child validated and recognized that they did exist. They need to share and be heard. They need a hug, someone to look at their photos and to love on them. To not say some cliche phrase about how “there is a plan” or the many other phrases that can be heard in the circles of grief, but to take their hand and walk with them through the grief. Loving them and their child.
Second, so many do not know that an organization like this exists. While you hope to not know anyone who might need the services, it is good to know that it does exists so that if you have someone go through an infant loss you can share. The organization’s website is: https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org . Most often it is the nurses or social workers who let the families know about NILMDTS, but the more who know the better.
Lastly, this is a call to photographers. We need help! The calls seem to come in waves, but in the DC/Baltimore area there are more calls than we can cover. The group of photographers covering these calls is small. I am blessed to know some of them and am blessed to see their dedication over the years. The most common reason people do not volunteer is that they think they cannot handle the grief in the moment. While that might be true for some, would you at least try? I know for me personally these sessions are rough, but when I am in the room with that family my focus is on honoring the baby and showing the family love. My personal feelings for the situations come afterwards. The car ride home is when I cry for that family and say prayers for them. For me personally the song by Nichole Nordeman puts into words what I desire for my photography business….
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
Blessed Your Name apologetically
And leave that kind of legacy.
Not well traveled, not well read,
Not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead,
“Well Done” good and faithful one.
