As I sat there the fear and overwhelming feeling came over me like a wave knocking me down. For a brief moment I thought I was going to just sit there and bawl. I was surrounded by 200 or so photographers from around the DC Metro area (okay some did come in from PA that I met) for the “What’s Next” tour (a photographer educational workshop hosted by Justin & Mary)and it scared me to think that I only knew maybe 5 of the them. To think that our market is that saturated (and that I knew tons who were not there) is a bit overwhelming. Thankfully a break came soon and I was able to walk around and breathe in deep and work through some thoughts. As photographers we struggle with comparison big time. I personally have struggled with it not only in my photography, but in just who I am. At almost 6 feet, I have always wished I was small and petite and that I too could curl up in the chair and read a book instead of having to stretch out 🙂 There are times where I wish I was a quiet, a deep thinker, a great writer, that girl that everyone just loved, the truly artsy type, etc. I could go on and on with the areas that I challenge me. Accepting myself for my loud, sometimes quirky, and tall self can be hard, but as I have gotten older I have gotten better. Towards the end of the break I felt the wave starting to subside and a slight hint of confidence in who I was start to return. It is amazing to me that we can be so confident sometimes but the moment we feel threatened confidence flees.
As the day continued and Mary walked through some practical things that have helped her with her business I felt challenged, but in a good way. As a small business owner I am only 2 hands and only have 24 hours in a day. There is only so much that I can do and if I want to maintain some type of work life balance I must re-evaluate. I must sit down and look at what worked and what didn’t from last year and from that look at what’s next for Heather Bee Photography. How can I make my clients experience all the better and still maintain a life for myself?
It is a tall order but one that I am now excited (okay and slightly overwhelmed) to embark on. I am sure there will be bumps along the way, but in the end I know it will make for a better 2013 for my clients and my family. To leave with a favorite quote from her talk and a challenging one for all perfectionists 🙂
“90% perfect and shared with the world will always trump 100% perfect and stuck in your own head” – Jon Acuff
🙁 I never saw you as “tall” because I am short and naturally to me… most of the population is tall. I like your loud-self (I really don’t think of you as loud BTW) because together we are a couple of loud chicas 🙂 Also – you are an incredible and beautiful person. One who is incredibly thoughtful and generous. One who instead of turning away another “newbie” decided to welcome her into the world of photography and share many deep insights, tricks, tips and resources. That speaks really loud and clear as to what an incredible business woman and person you are. I am for one am incredibly grateful for you. You have helped me in so many ways. As for curling up on a chair and reading a book… your knees end up hurting and you have to stretch anyways… no bonus there. I really loved that you shared your intimate thoughts because I don’t feel so alone now when I have some of these same thoughts. Looks at those 200+ people you don’t know as opportunities for referrals, support, love and friends 🙂 Much love and so glad that you are feeling better 🙂